Getting married or Starting a new relationship is like embarking on a journey to an unknown destination. Imagine the frustration, the pain, the confusion and the hazards you will go through without a guiding map. If your marriage or relationship has been tough and frustrating, it's either you never had a map to guide you or you presumptuously jumped in thinking you could navigate your way through. Having studied relationships and what makes them work, I now offer you what I call, "The Love Guru Guiding map on how to make relationships last and successful. Let's talk.
1. ANNIVERSARIES
Always celebrate! Whether it’s the 1st or the 50th, each year together is a triumph.
2. APPRECIATION
Let each other know how much you appreciate one another.
3. BE BEST OF FRIENDS
Be best of friends preferably before being intimate lovers.
Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one. Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems. Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged.
The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times.
4. BOND
Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone with each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner.
5. CHANGING EACH OTHER
Don’t marry to change each other your partner. If you can't accept each other the way you are, then don't bother to be in a relationship. You’ll never change each other.
6. START WITH JESUS CHRIST
Marriage was His idea and not yours. He did not create the marriage institution and left out the manual on how to run it. Why not settle down and make up up your mind to follow the operational manual, the BIBLE.
7. COMPLIMENTS
Always compliment each other.
This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted.
8. DATE
Keep doings things that you both enjoy and do them together.
Make time & continue to date to keep the romance – look good, smell good to maintain physical attraction.
9. DIFFERENCES
Celebrate differences. Never force your ideologies down each other’s throat. Give up trying to turn your partner into you. Accept differences, appreciate them.
10. FIGHTS
Fight with the aim to resolve the issue. Don’t outdo each other.
The longer you extend the fight. The more chances that you’ll say something hurtful that you don’t really mean. As mad as you were with your partner, he/she is still the person who laughs at your jokes & thinks you’re hot. Hear each other out, don’t dig up old issues. Choose your battles.
Make sure the fight will be worth it & that something will change in the relationship as a result of the fight.
11. FLAWS
Know that the perfect person does not exist.
Know that just as there are things that you love about him/her, there will be things that will make you go crazy. We are only human with our own flaws.
12. FUN
Have fun together! This means keeping the fun & spontaneity that was there in the early days. Allow yourselves to get silly – shower together, pee with the door open (What?!) etc.
Being able to make each other laugh & see the lighter, crazier, absurd side is the best way to get through all the differences in personalities, adjustments in lifestyle & opposing viewpoints.
13. GOALS
Make sure you have similar goals.
It would be difficult to keep your bond intact if your views are complete opposite.
14. GRUDGES
Quit tabulating grudges. Let it go. Discuss it, then trash it, don’t recycle it.
15. KEEPING IT HOT
Keep it hot by traveling to different places together.
A new setting will do wonders. Always have skin contact – be it holding hands, a massage or just plain leg rubbing.
16. HONESTY
Don’t lie or hide things. The problem will only get bigger.
17. KNOW EACH OTHER
Learn each other’s interest. It really keeps the conversation flowing!
18. HUG
A hug can be far better more intimate than a kiss.
19. IDENTITY
Don’t lose your personality – that’s why he/she fell in love with you. Have separate interest & activities to keep your individuality & to be able to contribute more to the relationship.
19. INDEPENDENCE
Having your own income means you’re the boss in your life.
20. IN-LAWS
Make rooms for the in-laws.
21. INTENTIONS
Wish each other well. Don’t wish each other worst.
22. ISSUES
Speak up about the awkward stuff now, like money & sex. The earlier, the better.
23. LISTEN
Listen, listen, listen. Hear each other out especially during arguments.
24. LOOK GOOD
Mind your appearance! Stay fit & healthy for each other.
25. LOVE
It all boils down to your love, chemistry & respect for each other.
26. MEMORIES
Remind each other of the old days. Do something that you used to do for each other before.
It may even be corny but it made you two together. Experience new things together- from dining into a new restaurant to experiencing street food together to exploring to new places. It’s the little surprises that make great memories.
27. MIND READING
No matter how long you’ve been together, do not think that you can read each other’s mind.
28. NEEDS
Be good to yourself, then be good to your partner. That’s what love is all about. Think about your partner. Will it make him/her happy? Will she/he enjoy it? Consider each other’s feelings.
Be very attentive & sensitive to each other’s needs, physically & emotionally, that way your partner learns to do the same for you. Never take your partner for granted.
29. PRIORITIES
If one says it’s important, then it is! Prioritize each other among other things!
30. SPACE
Give each other space. Have dates with your girlfriends, have your boy’s night out.
If you can’t trust each other with this, then don’t get married.
31. SORRY
Say sorry when you’re wrong.
32. SURPRISES
No matter how long you’ve known each other, be open to surprises, both good or bad.
33. TEAMWORK
Think for two & always work as a team.
Consult each other before making a decision because everything will always affect both of you.
Strengthen couple power. In many ways, we have to decide based on what is best for the relationship in favour of our individual selves.
34. SUPPORT
Support each other’s dream. Be willing to follow your passions,
support your partner in his/her decisions & create new ones together. Two heads are better than one.
35. TALK
Tell each other’s stories. Life goes by so fast & its easy to see how easily couple can grow apart.
Whenever something funny, scary, exciting or juicy happened to you or to someone you know, tell each other about it & have your partner do the same. Keep each other in the loop of life, even by email if you have to. Thanks for reading.
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