A girl said to me, “He’s a really nice guy but I just don’t know if James and I are meant to be together. I’m thinking about breaking up with him, but I’m not sure. How do I decide?”
It’s a question that plagues many singles: should I break up with my partner or stick it out a while longer? The following are sure signals that the long-range forecast for a relationship is worrisome:
1. YOUR PARTNER IS NOT HEALTHY EMOTIONALLY: If the person you’re dating is self-absorbed, paranoid, overly defensive, easily angered, or anything else that indicates an emotional health deficit, its best to move on.
2. REGULAR RELIGIOUS CONFLICT: Can you both agree and connect spiritually? Do you often experience intense frustration and disappointment in spiritual or religious matters? Are you deeply spiritual and your partner has little interest in spiritual matters? Do you sense something like a wall or barrier that separates you both spiritually? Quit now.
3. YOU HAVE NO FAITH IN YOUR PARTNER'S CHARACTER: Do you often question your partner’s character? Does your partner consistently demonstrate honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, and responsibility? If so, that’s a sign of strong character. If not, look out. The tendency toward deceitfulness and dishonesty has a way of spilling over into many areas of life.
4. DIFFERENT BELIEFS and VALUES: Does your values differ? Values are the principles that guide the way you live and make decisions. We all have an endless list of values: Excellence, honesty, generosity, compassion toward the poor, etc. If you and your partner differ radically on any one major value — or several less significant ones —severe conflict that will break up the relationship is just ahead.
5. YOU CAN'T CONNECT INTIMATELY: Do you find it difficult to communicate deeply with your partner? Intimacy for two people requires the sharing of their deepest feelings, thoughts, dreams, and fears. If you and your partner have a significantly different level of desire for heartfelt communication, the relationship will surely suffer.
6. CLASH OF INTEREST: Does your interests excites each other? The more hobbies and activities you both enjoy, the stronger your relationship will be. If you have five or six major interests, it’s a good idea to find someone who shares two or three of them or your future will be very tumultouse
7. YOU ARE NOT FREE TO BE YOURSELF AROUND THIS PERSON: One or both of you don’t feel free to be yourselves. No relationship is going to reach it’s potential unless both partners are authentic — unless they can genuinely be who they are. You will feel stifled and suffocated if you cannot consistently express your true self.
8. YOU CANT RESOLVE CONFLICTS: Relationships fall apart when conflicts occur and seldom, if ever, get resolved. In a solid relationships, two people must learn to manage their conflicts thoroughly and efficiently so that harmony prevails most of the time.
If you did spot areas of concern, take them seriously. The decision to end a mismatched relationship is very difficult but also incredibly wise.
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