THE EMPTY BOX CALLED MARRIAGE

Most people get married believing a myth--that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: Love, understanding, companionship, sexual fulfillment, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage, at the start, is an empty box. It is neither beautiful nor ugly. It’s the 2 people that will determine if it’s going to be full, empty, beautiful or ugly.

•         You don’t just wake up to find Love in marriages. It’s something the 2 people must decide to work and cultivate if they want to see it in their marriage.
•         You don’t just wake up to find romance in marriages. Romance in marriage only comes because the 2 people decided to infuse it into their marriages.
•          There is no understanding in marriage. Understanding is something people have to infuse into their marriage.
•          You don’t just wake up to find hate, fight or divorce in marriages. Its people that infuse all these into marriages.

A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising—working so hard to keep the box full of beautiful things instead of ugly things. Whatever you are presently seeing in your relationship, understand that you brought it into the relationship. If it’s something you do not like, you can also remove it from the relationship. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty. Is your box (marriage) empty or full?

FINAL CONCLUSION: Have you started following me on twitter @AndyQwas? I told you I will gladly follow back.

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7 MYTHS THAT COULD KILL YOUR RELATIONSHIP...By Andy Qwas. Twitter @AndyQwas

INTRODUCTION: When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn't, frustration sets in. And frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship and it's directly tied to myths. There are hundreds of myths about relationships. The problem with persistent myths is that they can erode a relationship's happiness. That's why it's so critical to bust the 7 below misconceptions. So without further ado, here are 7 myths about relationships that might surprise you.

1. MYTH: A GOOD RELATIONSHIP MEANS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK AT IT.

FACT: The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work. A healthy relationship is like a good garden. It's a beautiful thing but you wouldn't expect it to thrive without a whole lot of labor and TLC (Tender Loving Care). But here are 2 signs you to show you're working too hard on a relationship?

SIGN #1: Feeling unhappy more than you're happy. In other words, are you spending more time tending to the relationship and keeping it afloat than enjoying it? This unhappiness becomes less of a rough patch, and more like the "normal state of affairs”.

SIGN #2: Another bad sign is if you're trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don't see the same level of effort on your partner's part. There has to be some sense of 'we're trying really hard, both making changes and that's making a difference. But if both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that's a good sign.

2. MYTH: IF PARTNERS REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER, THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S NEEDS AND FEELINGS.

FACT: It's a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that's essentially what you're doing. But you are always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs. Stop expecting your partner to be a mind reader.

3. MYTH: IF YOU'RE TRULY IN LOVE, THE PASSION WILL NEVER FADE.

FACT: We often assume that if we genuinely love someone, "the passion, urging and loving" never go away. And if they do disappear, then "it must not be the right relationship" or "our relationship [must be]. But that’s a lie. Passion will naturally diminishes in all relationships and daily routines are one of the culprits. As your responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples usually have less and less time and energy for each other.

But this doesn't mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion. 

4. MYTH: HAVING A CHILD WILL STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE.

FACT: Studies have shown that relationship happiness actually decreases with every child. This doesn't mean that you start loving each other less or that you won't bond at all over your child, but the mounting challenges can complicate relationships. Having realistic expectations helps couples prepare themselves for their new roles. When you think that a child will improve your relationship, it only adds to the complications. I recommended planning ahead and talking about the changes that will occur when you have your first child or more kids.

5. MYTH: JEALOUSY IS A SIGN OF TRUE LOVE AND CARING.

FACT: Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship or the lack thereof. While you can be supportive, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own. No matter what you do, you can't make your partner feel more secure" or "change their self-confidence. Jealousy is not a sign of true Love in a relationship.

6. MYTH: FIGHTS RUIN RELATIONSHIPS.

FACT: In actuality, what ruins relationship is not resolving your fights and not the fight itself. Fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air.

Also, the type of fight a couple has plays a role. Not surprisingly, nasty, scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution-less and not talking for days damage the relationship. Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with "some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement.

7. MYTH: IN ORDER FOR THE RELATIONSHIP TO BE SUCCESSFUL, THE OTHER PARTNER MUST CHANGE.

FACT: Many times we're very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes. Unless, there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity, it takes two to make changes. But even more than that, it's up to you to figure out what you can do to make the relationship a better one. It's a profound mental shift to look at what can you do and what changes can you make.

FINAL CONCLUSION: Have you started following me on twitter @AndyQwas? I told you I will gladly follow back.

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MESSAGE FOR GAYS AND LESBIANS. BB pin 2326600E. Twitter @AndyQwas

 Perhaps you are dissatisfied with your sexual orientation and would like to be straight. Or, perhaps you are straight now but feel urges to try homosexual activity. Or, perhaps you are perfectly happy the way you are, but want to see what this is all about. CONSIDER THESE 8 FACTS:

8 FACTS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY AND LESBIANISM

1. HOMOSEXUALITY IS NEITHER INHERITED NOR THE RESULT OF SOME GLANDULAR DISTURBANCE or the scrambling of genes or chromosomes.

2. HOMOSEXUALS ARE MADE, NOT BORN 'THAT WAY.' You became a homosexual or a lesbian when one of Satan's demons detected your susceptibility to demonic influence. This susceptibility could have been brought to you by a same-sex friend who was also troubled by a demon. Or perhaps a demon convinced you were a man in a woman's body or vice versa. Meaning, to be free, you need that demonic spirit to be cast out of you.

3. BURIED UNDER THE 'GAY' EXTERIOR OF THE HOMOSEXUAL ARE THE HURT, RAGE AND WOUNDS that crippled your capacity for healthy love with the opposite sex. Homosexuality is a learned response to EARLY PAINFUL EXPERIENCES and it can be unlearned.

4. GOD IS YOUR MANUFACTURER, AND HAS PROVIDED A USER MANUAL FOR YOU CALLED THE BIBLE. Any responsible manufacturer knows the operating parameters of his/her product. Therefore, he/she outlines the guidelines for use and maintenance which are necessary for proper, trouble-free operation.

5. GOD DIDN'T MANUFACTURE YOU IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF HIS OWN USER MANUAL. You were not born a homosexual. You became one after birth.

6. FAILURE TO OPERATE A MECHANISM ACCORDING TO THE SPECIFICATIONS IN THE USER MANUAL WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS. Sometimes these problems will develop over a long time. Never adding or changing the oil in your new car is an example. You may be able to drive tens of thousands of miles before the engine will stop.

7. THE BIBLE FORBIDS HOMOSEXUAL AND LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS. However, He fully endorses sex between married persons. "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." Lev. 18:22

8. BEING A SEXUAL PERVERT IS THE WORK OF SATAN AND HIS DEMONS. They contaminated your normal, God-given sexual desires and twisted it in an attempt to mock “THE IMAGE OF GOD” in you. Being GAY or a LESBIAN is not normal. It is ABNORMAL, which means, “Abnormal Use”.

14 SIMPLES STEPS TO FREEDOM. WHAT TO DO

1. Understand that God Loves you and wants you perfectly normal
2. Understand that God is not angry with you. He simply doesn’t like your lifestyle and if you continue, God will have no choice but to land you in Hell.
3. Million of GAYS and LESBIANS have found freedom in Jesus and so can you. Nothing is impossible. You can be free….NOW.
4. Forgive anyone whom you think must have hurt you.
5. Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal savior. Do it now if you have not.
6. Find a Bible and start reading. Start with the Book of Saint John. Read a chapter a day and be consistent.
7. Find a good Pentecostal church and start attending.
8. You must find a way and open up to the pastor of the church. Let go of shame.
9. Tell the pastor YOU NEED DELIVERANCE. Homosexuality and lesbianism is a spirit. During deliverance, that spirit is cast out in the name of JESUS CHRIST.
10. You will notice after the prayer of deliverance that your desires and passions are gone without any struggle. Go and try it now. Trust me on this one.
11. Ask the pastor to fill you with the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues. Then start praying in tongues for al least 30mins daily on your own.
12. Cut off some friends. Some of your old friends has to go.
13. You must also avoid some certain environment that has capacity to trigger your hunger again.
14. Start attending church regularly. Fast at least once a week and read your Bible everyday.
FINAL NOTE: If you will follow these 14 steps I have outlined above, you will come out clean and you will notice that you are perfectly normal again. My prayer is that you will seriously consider this solution before you zap to another part of cyberspace.

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HOW TO PULL A RELATIONSHIP THROUGH TOUGH TIME. Bb Pin 2326600E. Twitter @AndyQwas.

Two couples once wrote to me and said their marriages are collapsing along with the economy. Nkem and her husband, Walter, are coping with mounting debt while Joyce says she's tired of being the sole provider in her household while her husband, Leonard, depends on his faith to see them through. How do you pull a relationship through a tough time? (Couples names used with permission). Here are 6 suggestions.

1) ACKNOWLEDGE AND WORK THE PROBLEM: When the heat is on, don't take your anger out on your spouse. "You get in trouble, you get pressure on you, and what you do is called reflexive biting. You start snapping at the person around you, and you begin to feel isolated and alone. You've got to turn to your partner and say, 'Look, we're in a bad spot here, and we're going to deal with this together.

2) IDENTIFY THE STRESSORS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP: As the nation experiences an economic downturn, remember the problem is not your partner, but high interest rates, accumulating debt and looming unemployment. "Aim your guns in the right place. Once you have identified the issues, work together to find viable solutions.

3) HAVE EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY: Effective communication begins with honesty. "If you say you're going to look for a job in earnest, then look for a job. Don't say it if you don't mean it." Be open to receiving input from your partner even at the expense of your ego.

4) BE WILLING TO ASK FOR HELP: "Think about yourself as being at the bottom of a steep hill, and you're trying to pull a wagon up to the top of the hill. If you're both pulling it up the hill, you're going to get there. If one of you is pulling left and one of you is puling right, you're expending a lot of energy, and the wagon's not moving at all. Don't be afraid to admit that you can't manage the household debt alone, or that you're getting in over your head with credit cards.

5) LIST PRIORITIES, VALUES AND GOALS: It's not all about money. Both of you need to sit down and talk. List down your priorities, your values and goals and then plan along these lines. Make a plan. Find a way that the values of both partners can be honored. "It's like two corporations merging, and you need to have a board meeting.

6) HAVE AN ACTION PLAN: Dreams can motivate you to strive for the stars, but sometimes, you have to get your head out of the clouds. "The difference between a dream and a plan is a timeline. You've got to do checkups on yourself and ask, 'Am I moving forward? Devise a realistic schedule that you and your spouse can get excited about.

7. Share your experience with us. How did you pull through your own tough time. This is point number 7. Thanks for reading and please tell someome about my blog. Have you started following me on twitter? I told you I will gladly follow back. My twitter handle is @AndyQwas.

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12 STRATEGIES TO CREATE FINANCIAL AND MARITAL HARMONY. Follow me on Twitter @AndyQwas. Bb Pin 2326600E.

1. MONEY CAN RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE. In fact, it's the number one problem in marriages and the number one cause of divorce.

2. THE COMMITMENT IF TWO LIVES. Dont ever underestimate the commitment in merging two lives together. The reason we fight most about money is because it's the most measurable. Sure, compromises also need to be made when it comes to issues of time, space and affection, but with money, the give and take is quantifiable.

3. STICK WITH SET GUIDELINES: In a relationship, each partner need to be comfortable with any guidelines set especially in the area of money and don't build resentment if you've agreed to it.

4. CREAT BALANCE: While financial independence is important, it must be balanced with accountability. Don't hide your spending habits from your spouse. Live within the boundaries you set and always consult your spouse before purchasing big items.

5. DONT LIVE A FAIRYTALE! Don't live a fairytale! Get real about how much money you have. Set a realistic budget and financial goals. Don't justify purchasing something you can't afford.

6. HAVE THIS UNDERSTANDING that Emotional problems can't be solved with money. Take a hard look at what's really behind your spending habits.

7. WATCH THIS. Don't let yourself get taken advantage of. Are you working 80 hours a week just so your spouse can live beyond your means? That's not being a partner; that's being a paycheck, and it won't fix the problem.

8. DO THIS. Negotiate, and then renegotiate when necessary. You made these life decisions together, and you can change them together.

9. EDUCATE YOURSELF. Marriage is a partnership, and both individuals need to be well-informed. Many problems — especially when it comes to money — stem from lack of knowledge.

10. ASK YOURSELF. When a financial issue comes up, ask yourself: Is it really a money problem or is it a relationship problem?

11. DONT DO THIS. Dont use money as a weapon against your partner.

12. JOINT vs. SEPARATE ACCOUNTS. I suggests separate accounts, because it's important to have independence and your own discretionary money.

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10 WAYS TO CREATE AN UNBREAKABLE BOND IN A RELATIONSHIP. Bb bin 2326600E. Twitter @AndyQwas

Let me show you 10 ways to show your partner you are truly committed to him or her. Use these 10 ways to demonstrate to your partner that your commitment will stand the test of time. Share this post after reading.

1. STOP THREATENING TO LEAVE. Nothing shows a lack of commitment like talking about walking away. We’ve all been there — the argument gets heated and it’s the same argument you’ve had a thousand times. Your mind starts to think, “My life would be so much easier if I were gone …” While it’s completely normal to have these thoughts, it does nothing for the level of commitment your partner feels from you.

2. YOU HAVE NO LONG-TERM PLANS TOGETHER: Have you taken some time with your partner to develop plans for the future? Have you planned a vacation, talk about buying a house, share dreams about what you’re going to do when you retire. Yes it seems far away and but thats the point!

3. TOUCH YOUR PARTNER: If you are not married, jump this point now. If you are married, Nothing communicates support like physical intimacy. By touching your partner — a hug while they are cooking dinner, an unexpected kiss — you reinforce your commitment to them. And casual touching can convey commitment because it shows a level of familiarity and ease that is hard to find outside of a long-term relationship. Pay the price by getting married and you too can touch.

4. SPEAK HIS/HER LOVE LANGUAGE: When you communicate your love in a way that is meaningful to your partner, it shows your commitment. It also shows you have taken the time to understand what makes him/her tick and they know that you will be by his/her side through thick and thin. Have you read "The 5 Love Languages?"

5. RELIVE YOUR HISTORY: One of the great things about a relationship is the shared history that you have with your partner. A fun way to demonstrate your commitment is to relive that history. Plan a picnic to the spot where he proposed. Go out to dinner at the restaurant where you first kissed. Rent the movie you watched when you first held hands. Revisiting these shared moments strengthens your bond and shows your partner that you are committed to keeping the love alive.

6. GET CREATIVE: Everyone loves physical reminders of why they are valued. Your partner is dying to get one from you. Write a poem about your partner’s best qualities. Make him/her a mix of all their favorite ’80s songs. Give a photo book with pictures of your love over the years. These tangible reminders of the times you’ve been together not only send a strong message of commitment — they can be fun to make too.

7. DAILY COMMUNICATE: Dont ever let a day pass without talking or communicating with your partner. Communication is the blood life of any relationship. No matter where you both are, find a way to connect and stay in touch.

8. SHOW SUPPORT: When your partner is feeling down, he/she doesn’t need you rubbing his/her face in the dirt. You are the one, maybe the only one, he/she can turn to. Showing that you support him/her even when they are wrong is an incredible demonstration of your intention to stay by his/her side, no matter what.

9. LISTEN MORE TO HOW HE OR SHE FEELS: In this day and age of innumerable distractions, we hardly listens anymore. We are all so busy planning what we will say next that we don’t really hear what the other person is saying. If you take the time to truly listen to your partner without planning your response, your partner will feel like you understand them in a way that no one else does. And that’s a great recipe for happiness.

10. FOLLOW THROUGH WITH YOUR COMMITMENT: One of the best ways to show you are committed is to follow through with what you said. If you say something to your partner, then follow through till you have done it. When you follow through with these commitments, it shows your partner that you value him/her — and the relationship — above everything else.

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THE 9 CATEGORY OF LOVERS. Bb Pin 232600E. Twitter @AndyQwas.

Building a Relationship is like watching a movie with a remote control in your hand. You can hit the PLAY button to watch the movie straight on or you can intermittently Stop, Rewind, Fast ward, Slow motion, Eject, Pause, Repeat or even Record the movie. Permit me to use the same terms on your remote control to analyze the 9 categories of Lovers.

1. LOVERS ON STOP
2. LOVERS ON PAUSE
3. LOVERS ON REWIND
4. LOVERS ON FAST-FORWARD
5. LOVERS ON EJECT
6. LOVERS ON RECORD
7. LOVERS ON SLOW MOTION
8. LOVERS ON REPEAT
9. LOVERS ON PLAY

1. LOVERS ON STOP: These are tired lovers who feel they can’t love again. They have resigned themselves from the game of Love. Such people feel they are not lucky in the game of love. They want to love but they always say, “I don’t have a heart to love again”. They have given up on love.
REASON: They are in pains. They have been hurt bitterly in the past. Such people have unfinished biz with their past. They have issues they are yet to resolve. These unfinished businesses are called wounds.

2. LOVERS ON PAUSE: These are people who are stuck to a particular painful experience in their past. Time has moved and age is telling fast on them but internally, they have not moved a step since the event happened. Such events could range from rape, abortion, divorce, relationship break up, turned down proposals, death of someone so dear, loss of a sweet relationship, etc. The pain is so fresh that it seem as though it just happened yesterday. To such people, the past is their releality. They have never lived and will never live until they can resolve the issues they have with their past. Some are stuck to 2011, 2005, 2000, 1990. Are you a lover on pause?

3. LOVERS ON REWIND: These lovers have a hole, a vacuum in their heart that they believe nothing in their present can fill. They believe their best years is in their past, their yesterday. If they must be happy, they must recall their source of Joy to something beautiful in their past. Such people tell beautiful stories a lot but it’s all connected to their past. They criticize their present and don’t believe it can be as good as it was yesterday. Are you a lover on rewind?
REASON: They are hurting. They have unfinished biz with their past. They have to break with their past, resolve it and move on. Life is not lived by looking backward. Imagine driving a car and looking at the rear mirror. You will simply hurt yourself.

EJECT LOVERS: Lovers on Eject Mode are mostly divorcees and people whose heart have been broken. They don’t believe in love at all. In their philosophy, Love is a fantasy, a dream and a mirage. They have ejected themselves from the game of love. They see Love Gurus like us as lairs and deceivers. They hate marriages, and don’t believe in love. Another category of such people are perverts like gays and lesbians. To them, Love can only be found in another source because for some reasons unknown to them, the real source did not work for them.
REASON: They use to believe in love until someone hurt them so bitterly. Such people who hurt them could range from a lover, a dad, a close relative, an uncle, etc. Now they are in Pain and highly negative toward anything called love. Such people have unfinished biz with their past. The truth is: they are badly in need of love and have concluded it’s simply impossible to find love except through a perverted medium or none at all.

LOVERS ON RECORD: Have you noticed that whatever you have on record is stored and preserved? I consider this group as singles guys who are anointed to date a woman but will never commit to her. The relationship is on, playing but from an unreal perspective. Single ladies, Look for a man that value your worth enough to commit to you. Note that guy that keep promising you marriage, daring you with no concluding date, claiming things are still tight for him and is scared to seal a commitment to you with a wedding ceremony. Marriage has nothing to do with being wealthy but it has everything to do with making a commitment to settle down. Anyone who is not willing to sign that marriage contract doesn't value your worth to settle down with you. If you see a guy who is ready to take you to the altar, give him the best of your life. He deserves it. Lovers on Record are endless daters. The cannot commit.
REASON: Fear, fear and fear

LOVERS IN SLOW MOTION: These people are the closest group to being normal but are still very sick. They are very slow in what they do. Their real problem is fear, lack of trust and suspiciousness. They believe in love but are scared. Such fears ranges from fear to propose, fear to love again, fear to make of commitment, fear to say yes to a proposal, fear of falling in love. Can’t trust anyone. Suspects everyone. They are slow in making a commitment to anything. Their best slogan, “once bitten, twice shy. REASON: They are scared to love again because of unfinished biz with their past. They are so scared to love again so they don’t increase their pain.

LOVERS ON REPEAT: People in this category are mostly addicts. These are people who live their lives in circles. They have so much activities but little productivity. They are stuck to the same mistake all their life. They are addicted to something that is killing them but they simply can’t stop. Repeat lovers continues in the pattern of repeating a painful past that makes their life move in circles. If you are presently addicted to anything, you are in this category.

FAST-FORWARD LOVERS: These are desperate lovers.  They don’t know how to play normal. They are in great haste and very impatient. They don’t know how to wait. If they need something but don’t know how to get it, they will scheme and manipulate. They are desperate to marry and will do anything to woo a mate, male or female. They attend weddings a lot wishing all the time is their wedding. Their life is all about relationship and marriage. They don’t know how to make a relationship  play normal. They rush it so it ends before it even starts.  Because they are desperate, they end up making very stupid mistakes that ruin their relationship. Such people can’t hold themselves. They can even propose marriage on their first day of meeting.
REASON: These are running from a pain in their past. They are using hurting people who use the future and what it can be for them as a tool of escaping from their present pains and sorrow. They have unfinished biz with their past. They have wounds, issues yet unresolved with their past.

PLAY LOVERS: Among the 9 group of lovers, this is the only healthy group that is normal. I will tweet the 10 steps on how to enter into this group. Follow me on twitter now. But below are a few points to get you started. These group have been able to resolve their past issues. They have dealt with their past. One sign you are in this group is being able to freely talk about issues you were once ashamed to talk about or a subject no one dare not mentioned in your hearing and now you are calm both hearing and talking about it.

HOW TO WORK YOUR WAY INTO THIS GROUP

1. Never bury a painful past. Resolve it by talking. “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed”. Secrets are emotional poison. They will hunt you down till they crush you. A secret is anything you know that no one knows. If your secret is evil, you find find someone whom you can trust and confide in to talk to. You should also know that thats why we are here. Lets chat. You can talk to me either on bb or whats app.
2. Work on yourself. Stop pointing fingers at anyone. Take responsibility.
3. Forgive anyone that has hurt you, both dead and alive. Forgive yourself too.
4. Ask God to help. Jesus is an expert in resolving painful past. Ask him to help you right now.
5. Fall in love with yourself again. Follow me on twitter now to read the remaining 5 hot points now.

Have you started following me on twitter? I told you I will gladly follow back. My twitter handle is @AndyQwas.
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Be my friend on Facebook with all pleasure. The name is Andy D-LoveGuru
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You can also chat with me on whatsapp via +233269745170.
I am De Love Guru, skilled in the art of Love and relationship bliss. Welcome to my world.

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